Evangelion Repair Woman
by Kaworu Naha ga bisa
Summary: End of Evangelion, as directed by John Cleese. Man, the guy will do anything to get money, eh?


Warning: This fanfic will become funnier if you read it with Engrish in fake American accents. Yeah. That exist.

I don't own Evangelion and Monty Python, but if i do, i will make John Cleese as Gendo trolled Shinji, called "Silly Pilot Interview".

* * *

This girl is no ordinary girl. This is Rei Ayanami III. To all appearances, she looks like any apocalypse-bringer clone. But Rei III already found her true purpose. She's no more a doll. Whenever trouble strikes for the EVA, at any time, at any place, she's ready to become...

EVANGELION REPAIR WOMAN!

GRAAAH!

EVA-02 defeated the Mass Production EVAs with ease, beated them up to bloody pulp. The last remaining EVA was brought into the knee, which Asuka then proceed to slice it's head off.

"HA! There you go! Definitely not a flesh wound! Don't even need baka Shinji to defeat them all!" Said Asuka with fake smug in her voice. It was obvious what's in her heart.

 _Come one, baka Shinji. We need you.  
_

"Good job, Asuka. Let's hope there's nothing horrible could've happen again today."

"Yeah. Like these creeps suddenly rise out of sudden and start to eat me."

Asuka just tempted her fate.

"Ah...shit."

Cue the scene of MP EVAs beating Asuka up and ate her EVA like vultures.

 _Meanwhile, in chamber Dogma that held Lilith, Rei sensed EVA-02's 'death'._

 _Hmmmmm. This sounds like a job for... Evangelion Repair Woman. But how to change without revealing my secret identity? Oh, wait. There's just Gendo here. Ritsuko already dead. And he dares to touch my second base. Man, what a creep._

"Looks like it has started. So, Rei, bring me to Yui's side. What the..?"

Gendo was horrified. Rei, out of nowhere, took an incentive, used her AT-Field to eat his right arm that contained Adam's embryo off.

"I must go. The planet needs me. Ikari-kun and Pilot Soryu need me."

 ** _FLASH!_**

Rei was no longer naked. Now, she wore a mechanic outfit, with box of tool and all.

She bursted out of Dogma Chamber by her AT field, and got detected as a result.

"Blue pattern detected in the Dogma Chamber, and it keeps rising up!"

"Is that Lilith?"

"No. Soon, we'll get the picture... Got it. It's..."

All in unison, stunned by the security camera. Especially when they read the stitched letters on the outfit.

"Rei? I mean, EVANGELION REPAIR WOMAN? BUT HOW?!"

 _In the battlefield, the MP EVAs already catched EVA-01, they were high on altitude._

"Uh...i've been eaten, and i can't get up..." Said Asuka weakly. Her left eye bled out.

 _Shinji..._

"Pilot Soryu."

"Wo...wondergirl? What are you doing here?"

"I've come to fix your EVA."

"Well, thank goodness, then. Look!"

Rei didn't say anything, only showed her intents by opened her tool box.

Clink!

Screw!

Bend!

Inflate!

Alter Wings!

"Why, she's mending it with her own hands!" Said Makoto.

"See how she uses her AT Field to grow the flesh mass!" Shigeru added.

"She even made it grew a wing!" Maya said it in excitement.

The EVA's as good as ever.

"Thanks, Wondergirl! How can i repay you?" Asuka asked. Indeed, those wings were expensive.

"Oh, you don't need to guv. Just kick their sorry asses."

"That's what i'm going to do, Ayanami!"

 _And Asuka brought one of the MP EVAs down, halted the ritual before she crushed the Kaworu dummy plug inside the MP EVA, thereby averted the Third Impact._

(The background showed us what happened after the Third Impact averted. The pilot trio were playing in the beach. Rei and Shinji hugged each others tightly like brother and sister, before Shinji got into steamy, passionate kiss with Asuka as her 'reward'.)

Yes, wherever your robot are broken, menaced, or eaten by the force of SEELE and Gendo, Evangelion Repair Woman is ready! Ready to smash the conspiracy terrorist, wipe them up, and shove them off the face of the earth...

(the scene changed into Toji in mechanical limbs, reading the script. He went nuts, destroyed the whole property around him.)

"MASH THE DIRTY OLD SCUMS! KICK THEM IN THE TEETH WHERE IT HURTS! KILL KEEL! KILL KEEL! KILL KEEL! FILTHY BASTARDS WALKING JEWS! I HATE THEM, I HATE THEM! AAAAAARGGGGH! AAAAAAARRRGGGGH!"

A sweet voice called out Toji out of his insanity.

"Tea's ready!"

"Coming, Hikari!" Toji said calmly, forgotten all his rage to the heaven.


End file.
